Worth A Shot (WILTY, WOULD I LIE TO YOU)
by TheSingingCynic
Summary: WOULD I LIE TO YOU (WILTY) Was supposed to be a dark story looking into that dark side of Lee Mack but ended up being a little softer. Still warnings for less than healthy relationship, alcohol and mental instabilty. Lee has Tara, no kids. David is unattached. LEE MACK/DAVID MITCHELL
1. Chapter 1

First off, I'm sorry I've been so inactive for so long! It's been a hell of a year. But I want to thank you all for your continued support and lovely reviews that keep me going! I will definitely be completing the unfinished stories I have uploaded along with a few new ones I've been brainstorming! As always thanks for reading!

...

Hands raised and glasses clinked as collective grins met each other, toasting to the excitement of a promising 10th series. The WILTY tradition has carried them through the years, the trio and the production team filling the usual pub, meeting up after the filming of the first episode of each new series and then the last. A tradition that even a begrudging David Mitchell had eventually warmed to.

The stretch between series, this time, was a long one, almost eight months since their leaving episode party. And nothing had reminded Lee how long it had actually been then when an hour earlier the man sitting opposite him in a studio had knitted his eyebrows together, the classic warning signs of a verbal storm brewing. Lee prepared himself for the rant to blow holes in his nonsensical lie, a tiny detail he left out or let slip that warranted this outrage. No one else had picked up on it of course, let alone dare interrupt when Lee was on a rampaging display of his quick memory, except, of course, David. The unrelenting and pinpoint accurate logic crushing down on Lee's bending and giving lie, faltering as he unsuccessfully tried to dodge David's perfected punches. He was caught, they all knew it, but he couldn't stop a creeping smile at his rival, one, which David returned earnestly. It was easy their onscreen relationship, David helped Lee broadcast exactly the way he wanted to be portrayed, just as Lee would offer David bates, sometimes on purpose and sometimes accidental, ones that David could blow out of proportion, and the audience lapped it up. But even with all the insults, he knew David never looked down on him.

Eight months was a long time to not have that constant rapport, that constant support even if it was often followed by eye rolls. But they were back as a team, and god he had missed it. He felt the best he had in a long time, alive, and firing off quick jibs and cheesy puns, determined to make David's cheeks hurt. This series was going to be better than great, he could feel it.

He was still buzzing from the show refusing to come down from that high and it was great catching up with everyone, his fifth beer was draining but the conversation flowed easily as he dived into the personal lives of the production team. He listened happily, remembering names and their children, making the rest of the off-screen team feel welcomed and valued, nodding along with their anecdotes of that they've been up to over the last eight months and weighing in with a joke or trading his own story, always ending in 'but remember don't tell David' and a twinkly grin.

Lee never had a problem with these sorts of events, he could practice material, internally gather feedback on their receptions but more importantly he genuinely cared about the team. The thought of which instinctively made him look to David. An automatic side glance to the man on the other side of the room to check on him, a habit he had developed over the years of their comedic partnership. Though David was not as repressed and socially awkward as they played up to on the show, he knew David wasn't always comfortable and he learnt to know when to offer a casual smoke break if he saw the younger man struggling. David always accepted these handouts with soft, grateful eyes but neither acknowledged Lee's perceptive act verbally. They would just smoke in a comfortable silence, letting David breathe again and regain whatever he needed to return to tackle a room full of people.

Today, though, David was already looking in his direction. Lee could see Rob's mouth going full speed as usual; it was especially hard to shut him up when he's been drinking so they exchanged a knowing smile at the expense of their host. Lee excused himself from the last group of people he'd been chatting with, sucking down the last of his beer and leaving it on the table. He stood and made his way to David, five beers in and they had barely had time to say two words together since the episode finished, Lee felt a tug of need for a chance to properly talk.

"Lads." Lee cheerfully announced his presence with a wonky smile, choosing to slide into the booth on Rob's bench rather than David's, knowing he'd appreciate not being caged in.

"L'right Lee?!" Answered Rob equally, if not more cheerfully than Lee. Lee looked at the pink-tinged cheeks and guessing how much he'd already had to drink if he's already slurring. Lee slapped him affectionately on the back as he scooted along the bench. Rob's eyes were bright but slightly unfocused as his mouth ran again. "I was just telling David what a great show it was, we gotta get Greg back on more often!"

"Greg the friendly giant, yeah class A bloke, stick him on my team though next time, worried he'd eat David."

David raised an amused eyebrow. "As much as your concern warms me, Lee, you're aware we're basically the same height?"

"Yeah, but it won't look so intimidating, 'cause ya know I'm so burly and rugged." Lee wiggled his eyebrows bating a response.

"Maybe you're right Lee, the size of your ego would probably even you two out."

Lee snorted and threw a thumb at Rob. "Well either way, as long as we keep him away from bite size."

Rob mocked something incredulous. "How dare you. I'll have you know I'm above the national average."

"Is that what ya wife tells ya?" Lee winked the innuendo to Rob and his usual slow reaction time even slower thanks to the pile of beer glasses to his right. He burst out laughing while trying to feign hurt, even David chuckled Lee noted, he must be a few drinks in too if he found that cheap shot funny.

They fell into an easy chat about the day's show and its guests before a slurring Rob noticed the absence of a drink in Lee's hand and announced his observation loudly.

"Nah it's alright mate, 7 down, job done." He lied hoping to get Rob off his back.

"Unacceptable, move." Rob bum shuffled him off the seat till he was forced to stand and Rob could push past him. He wobbled, grinned and then made his way to the bar. Lee sighed as he sat back down this time pulling up directly in front of David now Rob was gone. David and Lee watched him for a moment, watching him make a fool of himself interrupting conversations and joining in all while still trying to maneuverer through the crowd to the bar.

"So eight months?" Lee started up. "Bet ya missed me, eh? What'd ya get up to?"

David smirked at the question but only answered one. "You know as well as I Lee. I'm not going to tell you what I've been up to. Same reason we decided not to meet up between shows."

Lee's eyes sparkled with mischief. "You mean you saw through my plan to get you drunk and spill all your dirty secrets so I can finally win a series?"

"'Fraid so." David played along.

Lee clicked his tongue. "Foiled again, eh. But good yeh?"

David's eyes softened at the sincerity. "Yeah, good. You?"

"Not bad." Lee smiled trying to brush it off as light, but their conversation wilted slightly, Lee could feel David staring at him trying to work out was behind the 'not bad.' He'd find out soon enough in the papers anyway, or chatter around the show will eventually find its way to David. But right now Lee couldn't handle that probing look so he forced his gaze back to Rob.

Lee had become accustomed to their silences, they were usually comfortable and for lack of a better word from a slightly beer soaked mind, safe. He didn't feel the need to perform when it was just him and David. As much as getting David to laugh filled him with something akin to pride he knew he didn't have to be constantly 'on,' if was refreshing not to feel that pressure. But this silence made him itch especially with no glass for his fidgeting hands to toy with.

"Rob's having a good time. Cheap night out for the short arse, two drinks and he's out of it."

"Mmm." David agreed, turning to watch their host move back from the bar, obviously not satisfied with the change in subject but aware that Lee was unwilling for him to pry.

"New tradition lads!" He beamed placing a large tray brimming with shots on the table, satisfaction shining on his face with the fact he hadn't spilt them. "Shot for every season! Up to 10 now!"

"Christ Rob, trying to get rid of the competition? You're gonna kill us." His eyes flicked to David when he heard the man chuckle, his slightly intoxicated brain identified that reaction, he'd been able to ignore it in the eight months of separation but it was back and it was so warm. Sure it was natural for him to check he was making David laugh on the show, it's just respectful, good sportsmanship. But he knew as early as the first season, he'd begun seeking out that appreciation in these settings. He convinced himself it was just admiration for a completely different type of comedian finding him funny, you know respect. Probably.

Rob had been lining the shots up in front of them. Lee stopped his hand, "Thanks, man, but I've had enough, not a young'un no more, can't knock em back like I used ta." He declined politely and as convincingly as he could and looked to David expecting some backup. David however, had raised the first in his line up to his lips. He nodded towards Rob in thanks for the kind gesture then turned back to Lee, eyebrow cocked, lips turned ever so slightly upwards and his eyes saying something Lee couldn't quite piece together. In fact, he realised this was a look he hadn't seen before, and he made a career out of reading the other man. They were daring him but there was something underneath, and whatever it was, made Lee's fingers brush against the glass.

His brain screamed 'ALERT' as red sirens flashed behind his eyes. What was he doing, he'd stopped this, he swore off hard drinking. Sure, few beers won't hurt, lighten him up, but still in control. But David's eyes were still locked on him, burning into him. Lee watched David bring the shot to his lips and at the last second snapping his eyes shut and suck down the liquid, trying to hide the wince tighten his features. Lee's grip closed around the shot, what was he doing? Hell, what was David doing? David doesn't do shots; he rarely strays from house wine.

"Just do three!" Rob interrupted his monologue tripping. The pleading wine from Rob and heat still burning into him from David's gaze made him sigh and lifted up the shot in cheers. 'This is a terrible idea,' echoed in him before the first shot stung down his throat. He was able to hide his wince, unlike David who now had picked up his second shot ready to join him in a silent toast. Lee internally cursed as he matched his second one with David and mirroring his smile, which Rob muddied with loose words. "To a long life of lying! ...Though not too long, I can't afford any more shots." Rob giggled as they bottomed up.

"Ya Welsh is showing Brydon, ya cheap bastard." The third went down easy, his eyes flicked to David, perhaps he'd be ok.

Rob stayed seated at the end of the table for a while, tipping up shots one after the other, neither David nor Lee bothering to even attempt his speed. The man was on a mission to celebrate tonight and forget it tomorrow. They watched amused, and familiar chat encased the table, if not slightly stumbled and slurred.

"So have you heard about the rest of the possible lineups?" Offered David.

"I heard Jason Byrne declined again."

"Oh, so he'll go on As Yet Untitled but not us. Pfft. Clearly, we're too highbrow." Snickered Lee. David huffed in agreed amusement.

"And Bob Mortimer is scheduled sometime soon too."

"Well, that's are lime light gone." Scoffed Lee with no menace. He loved Bob and his outrageous stories that just pull you in, a natural performer without even trying.

"Fine by me."

"Oh please David, you can play as uncomfortable as you like, but I know you love all eyes and ears on you." Teased Lee playfully trying to a rise out of the obvious lie.

"Hah. How about this series you keep your ears to yourself, I couldn't take a shower hot enough after that episode." David answered with a smirk.

Lee laughed as David took another shot, he could hear Rob giggling next to him, they always fell into this casual flirting in front of audiences, it was comfortable this love-hate onscreen relationship, it worked and people lapped it up. No one more frantically than Rob and it spurred Lee on. "Hot shower? You mean freezing cold right? Never seen you blush so hard, gotta watch your blood pressure mate."

"Well years of working with you Lee, I'm actually surprised I haven't had a stroke."

"All you had to do was ask, David." Lee mimed a blowjob with his fist and tongue. David blushed furiously and forced a laugh. Shit took it too far, he scolded himself, feeling like an idiot.

Rob, however, found it hilarious. "Ah lads, I've missed all this." His laughter putting them back at ease, but Lee was still replaying David's reaction and internally whipping himself.

"Need a piss, save my seat." He patted Rob on the back as he passed, leaving David to fend for himself for a few minutes against an increasingly shameless Rob.

He relieved himself at the urinal and made his way to the sink. The silence of the bathroom separate from the bar suddenly surrounding him and making him astutely aware of how much he'd actually drank. He washed his hands and breathed out slowly, his head inching closer to the mirror before ending up leaning his forehead completely on the cool surface. He knew better, what the fuck was he thinking. He'd swore he'd never drink heavy again, not after what he did. It was just a stupid little crush. He knew it wasn't him, he would never…It was the drink, it finds that little patch of darkness and magnifies it, makes it ooze and consume you, a drunk body easy to navigate. It makes him sick; he wanted nothing more than to cut it out of him. He needed to leave.

He makes his way carefully through the crowd, his head loud. He planned to say a quick goodbye and immediately call a cab and wait outside, but David turned to his approach with those stupid soft eyes and a small encouraging smile, and everything telling him to leave faltered. He saw Rob legs up and outstretched on the bench with no intention of moving so Lee settled in next to David and tried to get his blurring brain to focus on the conversation.

"So what do you say, Mitchell?"

David turned back to Rob with a tight sigh. "Uh no. No, it's fine, thank you though Rob."

"What's this?"

"I'm trying to explain that I've met a wonderful girl, Vicky. Perfect for David, smart, beautiful, blonde."

Lee could see David was trying hard to not look like he was shying away from the conversation, he was uncomfortable as he always seemed to be when his romantic life seemed to come up, Lee knew he should help him but that sadistic side of him pulsed and fuelled with booze wanted to see him squirm a little longer.

"Gon David, come back with some juicy truths for us."

"Hah, yeah, no it's just I'm just more of a brunette kinda guy."

"Oh come on David, then we can start going on triple dates!" Rob once again dampening the mood as Lee flinched. David definitely saw it. Shit even lacquered he was still a hawk. Lee quickly deflected.

"Why dontcha David, you always whine about wanting to get that repressed persona off TV, she might get that stick out ya arse."

David scoffed, and opened his mouth like he was about to say something but quickly shut it turning back to the table a blush creeping back up to his ears.

Lee mused, curious to know what David was about to let slip that could possibly cause such a reaction. A sober Lee might have dropped it, but drunk Lee really wanted to know and was going to keep probing to try and get it out of him.

"Oh I see, you like it up the arse then. Keeps our show going I suppose, all the will they won't they repressed sexual tension."

Rob burst out into a fit of laughter while David's face bloomed crimson. Their reactions sunk into the extent of making him realise what he had actually just said.

Lee quickly tried to backtrack. "The stick David! Get your mind out the gutter." He tried to play it off but he watched David's nostrils flair, he watched him trip over internal responses before choosing to remain silent and focusing his attention back to his wine instead.

Lee followed suit, there was a beer in front of him, when did that get there. Wait did they finish all those shots? He tried to mentally count them in his already hazy memory till he found himself drinking through the froth anyway.

David was staring at him, well his lips. What? Thinking he probably had a beard of froth his tongue shot out and captured any stray drops along his lips. David's eyes followed the movement, swallowed and flicked up to see Lee had caught him watching. David's eyes snapped away quickly focusing on whatever ramblings Rob was offering at that moment.

What was that? David was touched pink again but trying hard to look like he was intently listening to Rob's drunk ideas. Is he blushing because of me? No. Some logical voice breaking through reprimanding him. This is your drunk vision seeing something you want again. Ignore it, it's not real.

The pub was starting to clear out. Lee leant back on his hands letting his back rest against the booth divider instead of leaning his elbows on the table. But he lost all sense of the conversation he was in when moments later he felt a warmth on his hand. It took Lee a second to register the sensation, but when he did he froze. Not wanting to move he risked a look down without moving his head. David had three fingers carefully placed on top of his. Did he know? He would have to, right? Lee's eyes snapped back up, heat was darting from his hand and pulsing through his veins. He still hadn't moved, why hadn't he moved his hand away?

Was this payback? David's way of showing him how uncomfortable he was making him with the jokes, throwing it right back at Lee to teach him a lesson. His eyes flicked over David's profile, as tense as he was eyes hard on Rob but deaf. He's waiting. He's waiting for a reaction. That was it wasn't it. Anger and embarrassment flared in Lee. This was some sick game David was playing. Lee pulled his hand away, standing up, perhaps too fast as the toll of the drink blacked his vision for a second.

"Smoke." It wasn't a question, it wasn't a statement, it was a demand. One which, he didn't check to see if David was following but just up and left knowing he would. David did follow, unquestioningly at the command, offering a polite 'take care' to Rob who was too far gone to notice the sudden change in Lee anyway.

Lee made his way out, to their usual smoking area round the side of the building where David could usually have some privacy from anyone coming in or out of the pub and the main road. He waited eyebrows knotted together. Why was he so angry? He could feel it bubbling trying to overflow. He's drunk too much, way too much but he couldn't find the capacity to care. Suddenly there was David next to him, and the feeling subsided. 'He's your friend' he kept repeating trying to soothe the red in him. David was a lot closer than he usually was, not often one for physical contact but here both men leant against the wall their arms pressed into each other. David offered him a cigarette, which he took and they lit up letting the brisk night air attack their clouds.

Lee felt David lean into him ever so slightly more. He was a lot closer than David usually allowed him, Lee had always respected the space he needed, off the show of course. On the show it was fair game, in fact, he had a morbid obsession seeing how far he could push the man for contact. Head tilted up to the sky at the cloudy dark night asphyxiating all light that might be trying to shine through. Obsession. Is that what it was? Fuck was he obsessed with David Mitchell?…Did David know?

Lee threw down his fag, watching the remains burn into the pavement and let his hand swing down to his side. And there it was again, that hesitant warmth from a tiny touch stroking along his fingers burning him. David knew, he fucking knew and he was playing with him.

He snapped. It came full force. Lee twisted his body round, hands slamming into the concrete either side of David's head. Lee's eyes burning with rage and his tongue spitting fire. "What the fuck you playing at Mitchell."

David's eyes were huge and panicked. David grimaced and immediately sobered up to the fact Lee was glaring at him with pure detest. The disgust and absolute hate spiking through usually calm and warm eyes realised what a mistake he had made, and David shrank into the wall willing his brain to come up with some quick retort to brush it all off as a joke but his words were failing him as all he manage was a meek, barely audible "I'm sorry."

Which only helped in fuelling the fire. "You're sorry!" He growled incredulously into David's face humiliation and shame pushing him further. "You're fucking sorry. You force me to drink, start hitting on me, and you're sorry?!" David gulped, it was like looking at the sun, he kept trying but his eyes couldn't meet Lee's for fear of burning them right into the sockets.

Lee sneered at the man gulping beneath him, seeing that David's eyes wouldn't meet his. "This is what you want huh?" He spun David so fast face first into the wall pressing his body flat into his back. He could feel David's breath short and quick beneath him as Lee crowded every part of him. Lee's left hand wrapped around the back of David's neck holding him in place with painful pressure. The other coming up to yank the back of his shirt collar. David always leaving the top few open gave Lee enough room to expose the flesh of his shoulder. David hadn't moved, till Lee dove onto his neck biting down into the meat immediately marking the skin. David's palms that were flushed flat against the bricks curled into tightly pressed fists. The weight against his back pinning him. Lee was feral. A second bite followed by a lap of the raw skin, tongue soothing the burn. He growled into another series of kisses and bites as he rocked forward closing the last bit of unconnected body. David gasped feeling Lee hard rocking up in the crest of his arse. Lee groaned into the base of his neck, still lavishing it with teeth and tongue. He kept grinding against him. "Yeah that's what you want isn't it." he panted against his neck, his hand sliding round David's chest working downward. David had stopped breathing. His other hand yanking David's hair back to access the other side of his neck eliciting the exhale of a sharp harsh gasp. As Lee intended to claim the other side of tender skin, a shine of liquid caught his gaze. He tried to focus on it, through the tunnel vision of anger and lust. Something was forcing him to keep looking through the haze and his movements stilled. His hands suddenly forced away and Lee leapt backwards panting like he'd been electrocuted. Blood. A trace of it on the brickwork but most on David's face. A graze starting just above his eyebrow to almost past his nose. Lee was suddenly overcome with the need to vomit.

"D-Did I do that?" He wanted more than anything to move closer but David was still flat against the wall small sharp intakes of breath and massive dark eyes locked on him. "….David…I…oh god, I'm so sorry." He wanted to reach out to him, check the wound, fix him, fix this. But the louder part of him was screaming to flee. He was backing up even with his arm still outreached. David watched with his head still half turned as Lee ran off into the darkness.


	2. Chapter 2

Lee threw up as soon as he stopped running. He was shaking hard. What the fuck had he just done. He'd practically raped David. He'd assaulted him, his friend. It was the fucking drink, it had turned him into this monster, this wasn't him. But his own voice answered him.

'You wanted this. You've wanted this for so long. He's not gonna tell anyone, you should have just taken what you wanted.'

"NO! I could never, would never-"

'Oh but you did, and you could have had so much more. You took him and you loved it.'

"No! That's not me, he's my friend I would never hurt him! It's you. It's not me!"

'I wonder if he knows that? Who do you think he's going to blame, me? Or you?'

Lee was struggling to breathe, he was on all fours and his limbs were shaking.

'What do you want Lee?'

Lee was trying to suck in air unable to get enough, but abruptly the dizzying stopped for a single moment of drunk clarity as the question expanded in his mind. The question that had been following him from their first episode, the one he forcefully avoided so adamantly that he was for so long in complete denial of the facts. He managed to slow, take in longer breaths before a pure answer finally appeared. "Him."

'So take him.'

"No…I," And everything clicked into place, finally. And far too late. "fuck. I- I love him."

And with that realisation, he vomited again, the voice leaving him, he felt light, he'd solved it, till the crushing weight of his actions drove him to the floor. He lied on the ground, filthy. Everything telling him to pass out and give up but he found himself staggering up to get the nearest cab.

He woke the next day in agony, his fists hurt. His body aching and tight, and his mouth tasting of bile. He lied there, consciousness flooding back but he kept his eyes clenched shut willing the pain and sickness to subside. A video reel played behind his lids: the great show. The pub. Rob's shots. Throwing David against the wall, pinning him, forcing his neck, the tinge of blood between his teeth. Lee jolted up ignoring the painful protest of his body, whatever he was feeling he deserved worse. His eyes wide and panicked mirroring David's the night before, what had he done?

He began searching desperately for his phone. The image kept replaying running strokes of nausea up his throat again. He ignored it flustering over his bed till he found it. 1.30pm. Shit. 2 missed calls; David. His fingers shaking he pressed redial.

It rang twice, David answered.

"…Lee?"

But Lee couldn't respond he was breathing frantically down the phone, bile creeping up his throat urgently turning into a sprint, he hung up and ran to the bathroom to dislodge his stomach and its remaining contents.

What the fuck had he done?

The next recording was in less than a week. What the fuck was he gonna do. No, he knew exactly what, he'd have to quit the show. He'd have to. He couldn't take that away from David too. There was no way he would force David to interact with him week after week, sitting there smiling pretending that David wasn't completely repulsed by him.

This day was living up to be the longest he'd ever experienced, longer than his wedding day, and definitely longer than his divorce. He could barely get 10 feet from the toilet before the crippling nausea of over intoxication and guilt hit him wave after wave forcing him to dry heave. His phone would light up with calls he couldn't face to answer, the worst of which was David still trying to get through. He couldn't face it, not yet. He was pathetic. Each time he built up the courage to answer, to explain himself, to beg for any sort of forgiveness flashes of the night before taunted him.

But nothing tormented him more so than remembering the realisation that he was stupidly infatuated. He was in love with David God Damn Mitchell. What was he playing at. Of course he bloody was, how couldn't he be. Each jousting contest of wit in the show left him reeling, high on finding someone so different but with equal footing, complimenting each other perfectly but still prepared to challenge him. He ran through so many possibilities, so many missed opportunities, chances to get closer to the other man, how differently this could have gone if he hadn't had been so damn blind and so fucking stupid.

How could he possibly make this right? First thing he'd have to eventually call the office to tell them he's stepping down from the show. His heart clenched. He cursed at himself for being as selfish as to consider another way, he loved that show, it was the best thing in his life, and he was starting to wonder how much of that was just because of David. He looked at the clock, 9.30pm, too late to call. He'd do it first thing tomorrow, he just needed some time to find his voice, then work out what the hell he could possibly say to David.

A knock on the door snapped him out of his spiralling guilt. He didn't make a move towards it. A pause then more knocking. Lee couldn't face anyone yet. Unless it was the police, finally here to take him away, took their sweet time too.

"Lee, are you in there?"

'…David?' Lee scrambled up. No, it couldn't be. He caught a flash of his reflection and grimaced. He was still in the same shirt he was in the night before, barely buttoned up and the pyjama bottoms he had woken up in.

Lee tiptoed to the door, legs still dead from the awkward angle sitting round the toilet, he looked out the door viewer. And there he stood.

"Lee, I heard you walk to the door, I know you're there, let me in."

'Shit.' Lee's hand was on the doorknob.

A quiet: "Please." From the other side of the wood led his hand to pull the door open and David slipped in before Lee could second guess himself. David's expression unreadable for a moment before looking Lee up and down, analysing. David took in what terrible state he was in and winced.

Lee's eyes hadn't come close to looking at David's, head down and eyes searching the floor like a whipped dog, he tried to drag them up over the impeccable clean shoes and suit trousers up to the hem of the shirt peeping out from under the open jacket, the purple shirt, ah crap. Lee's gaze snapped back south.

There was a long silence, Lee desperate to say something, anything but too ashamed and completely unable. David started, voice soft and practised like he was trying to calm a wild mare. "You haven't been answering my calls."

Lee scoffed.

David watched him carefully, he looked so defeated, completely unable to look at him, making David's stomach twist.

"Listen Lee."

Lee heard David's voice waver, 'great he's terrified of me.'

"I'm sorry."

Lee tensed, he couldn't have heard that right, he tilted his head allowing himself a look at David, his hands were tight together and he was staring at them with a hard expression. He looked so distressed. "What?" Asked Lee faintly, barely a whisper trying to understand what he could possibly be sorry for.

"I've ruined everything…" Lee turned completely bewildered. "I needed to tell you I'm gonna quit the show, so you don't have to, I know there's no way you, we could…after I…" David cleared his throat trying to grapple at some confidence and strengthen his breaking voice. "I just wanted you to know you don't need to worry about the show. I won't be there to ruin it for you."

David had made his way closer to the door, reaching out to the handle. Lee grabbed his wrist stopping it, catching wet brown eyes. His hand snapped away like it had been burnt when he realised he'd imposed himself on David again, but at least it had stopped him walking out.

What was David playing at? How could he possibly be feeling like he was in the wrong, he should be angry, he should be attacking, anything.

"Don't." It was the only thing Lee could say in answer, in answer to everything, don't apologise, don't quit, don't leave.

"Please, Lee, I can't stand you looking at me like that, seeing what I've done to you, I mean, have you even eaten since the show?"

"Pack of Polos." Lee nodded towards the bathroom without thinking, too wrapped up on what David could possibly be on about.

David couldn't stop a small bittersweet smile tug his cheeks, there was something inherently Lee about Polos being part of the bathroom, till he realised he was using them to get the taste of vomit out of his mouth and everything went grey again.

Lee watched David's face drain of colour. David thought he was responsible for some unfathomable reason. And that was making Lee feel even more like a monster. He had to tell him, something, anything, to stop David feeling like it was his fault.

"What are you doing, David?"

It was softly spoken but it still stung David, he knew Lee was going to despise him but still didn't think he could stomach hearing it.

"Hit me! Swear at me! Anything David! But don't you dare for one second put this on yourself."

It was not what David was expecting at all. "What are you talking about? "You were right! You said it yourself last night, I encouraged you to drink, so I could… you know, well I thought it would be easier if I hit on you and you rejected me then we could blame it on the booze and/or you'd forget it ever happened." His voice switched to as delicately as he could. "I had my suspicious, about Tara. And I just wanted to, I don't know give you a sign, or something, something that wouldn't completely ruin what we already had."

Lee stood listening, in shock.

"I pushed it too hard, I made you uncomfortable and now you hate me. I shouldn't have sprung it on you like that, put you in that position. God, Lee I'm so sorry."

"David what are you blathering about. I attacked you! I threw you up against the wall, I mean Jesus David, look at your face."

David touched the graze by his eyes still looking bewildered.

"It's alright L-"

"No, it's not alright David!" Lee's anger was building, everything was forcing its way to the surface, while also thinking that if anyone else was to force themselves on David, David would just accept it? It made him shake with anger at the thought that someone else would take advantage. "Are you so insecure you're just going to allow someone to force themselves on you?!"

"…No."

But Lee was growling now, moving closer. "Just going to let anyone push you up against the wall, grind into ya. You think that little of yourself that my actions should go without consequence? I saw how terrified you were." His voice broke. "Of me."

David stood his ground, things were starting to clear, he could see through Lee's anger it wasn't directed at him but rather towards himself. He was beginning to realise that they had different ideas about the night before, and there was a chance, a tiny chance that if he could get Lee to understand this might have all been worth it. "I'm not scared of you Lee. I wasn't last night and I'm not now."

"You should be." He glanced inwardly.

"Well, I'm not. You're not a bad man Lee." His stern looked turned doubting as his voice lowered unsurely. "Last night…I wanted, what you were doing, I liked it…I thought, I thought you knew and thought that was what scared you off."

"…You…" Lee was reeling with this new information.

"You didn't hurt me, Lee. And even if you had I would have taken it, I was so pathetically desperate for you I would have taken anything you gave me Lee."

"How can you say that David. I assaulted you."

David's face had gone from white to red. "I wanted it. I wanted you…I still want you."

Lee's heart clenched. David's words were starting to sink in, he liked him, he actually bloody like him. He hadn't imagined those small touches yesterday, and David had wanted him even when he'd…

"Just talk to me Lee please."

Lee had to tell him. He'd tell him everything.

"I loved her once. I really did. But then…"

David looked up, confused but patient, hearing the vulnerability in Lee's voice. Lee tried to meet his eye but couldn't hold it.

"I started drinking, more and more often. No real reason why, I thought, well I realised it had started about some time into our first series, so I thought maybe it was just the stress of it. Tara didn't mind, not really, understood the stress. But the more…" He looked up to David and winced.

David's eyebrows furrowed he'd never seen Lee like this, so unsure and full of self-hatred it made him sick.

"…The more we, the more episodes we did, the more series we did the worse the drinking got. I'd do stupid shit, I was getting out frustration, punch things, break things and Tara…"

David saw the man tense, whole body taut as the memories were physically causing him pain. David always hated to be the one to give comfort unsure how to reach out but it was Lee, Lee was different he wanted to try, and placed a gentle hand on his shoulder. Lee flinched as if torn between swatting it off or moving into it.

But suddenly Lee's body was vibrating and he glared David in the eyes, dangerous and daring. Yet David saw the sadness underneath. "I didn't hurt her David." He spoke spitefully. "I'd never. Is that the sort of man you think I am?"

It was David who flinched this time pulling his arm out of the angry energy realising it had been the wrong move, gave the wrong impression, he knew Lee would never abuse Tara. But a tiny unconscious movement as David touched his healed head caught Lee's stare. All that anger dissipated instantly, his hard eyes breaking, as it flashed the reels of slamming David into that wall.

It was Lee now reaching out to wanting to sooth the offending memory scraped into David's skin but he snapped his hand back not trusting himself. He glanced a look at David, who was looking pained obvious at a loss of how to help him.

"Keep going." David whispered.

Lee tried to even out his breathing. "Tara would calm me, she'd try and get me to talk about it but I never knew what was going on, why I was so angry, frustrated, why it was getting worse. So we would always end up, ya know…doing it instead. But each morning after I would wake convinced I had slept with someone else but then seeing her next to me. Every time it felt like I was cheating on her, but it was her, and it made me sick. It started seeping into sober life, I couldn't look at her anymore knowing I was never thinking of her even when she was right there. I had to end it I knew I did but I couldn't. Fucking pussy. It would mean, well it would make it real I guess."

David could feel his heart break for the man cursing at himself. He desperately wanted to know who Lee was having this mental affair with but it wasn't his place. So he just listened as Lee took a deep breath to continue, still not looking at him.

"Then at the British Comedy awards…" He glanced at David, grimacing to see whether he had caught on. David dared not to. "Tara saw the video, and that was it, she ended it there and then. But I still didn't understand. And it wasn't till last night that I realised what was actually going on, what she was trying to tell me. What I was trying so hard to not even acknowledge… then what I did to you… I… Christ David."

David's eyes were big, Lee's divorce was because of him, he had known there was something going on between them but he hadn't pressed it and last night he'd just thrown himself at Lee, forcing him into that position making Lee think he was just after a fuck. This was such a mess. Lee was so broken. David stepped up to him "Why didn't you tell me."

Lee scoffed an ugly noise hatred directed at himself rather than to David. "And say what oh hey man, hows it going? oh not so good getting divorced cause I keep seeing your face when I'm fucking my wife, oh and the weather's a bit shit, wanna go for a coffee?"

"I'm your friend Lee, I could have helped you through it, regardless of my feelings towards you. You'd think I what, find you repulsive and fuck off?"

David stopped as he saw he hit a chord, reflecting carefully. "I suppose we were scared of the same thing then; ruining the good thing we had."

"Suppose so." Lee sighed defeatedly. Everything was out there now, David knew what a vile person he was and he could feel their friendship crumbling between them.

They were so close to a breakthrough that David refused to let fear stop them anymore and took a breath. "Good thing it hasn't then." He watched the other man carefully as he reached for Lee's hand. A simple hold hoping to ground him. And Lee's eyes looked at the hand, then up to David searching but David watched his eyeline shoot to his injury and felt Lee recoil.

But David held on tight, squeezing the hand and bringing it up to his face. He kissed the knuckles before flattening the palm over the side of his face. "See, I told you, I'm fine. I don't hate you Lee…far from it actually."

Lee watched his face, honest and open, no trace of a lie. He watched his own thumb stroke over the graze, willing it to disappear. He followed it down the cheekbone till the skin evened out, but his thumb kept travelling down to the jaw then towards the ear and pulling David into him, into a kiss.

It was something purer than want, that press of soft skin released everything, their apologies, frustration, their anger everything they couldn't say but everything they needed was shared in that moment until they eventually had to pull away. Lee kept their foreheads together, eyes still shut and breathing deeply.

David broke the silence, voice small. "I'm a coward. Without the drink in both our systems, I never would have had the courage to reach out to you. Even that tiny gesture."

Lee shared a sad chuckle with David. "If you hadn't I probably would have kept ignoring it and never would have figured it out." Lee shared a sad chuckle with David and added as an afterthought. "So you're repressed and I'm a dumbass. Wow, we've been playing into it for too long."

David laughed, a proper laugh. "Yeah I guess so." A long pause settled between them.

"So what now?"

David pulled away and looked him up and down. "You're gonna have a shower."


	3. Chapter 3

The shower was always the place Lee liked to think, work things over, practice material. But this time all we wanted was to get the shower hot enough to stop himself from thinking. To not think about how his harbouring and ignoring feelings for David had drove him to become a spiralling dangerous drunk. To not think about how he'd almost ruined everything important to him by forcing himself on David. To not think about how David had liked it. To definitely not think about how David felt the same tug between them that he did. And definitely not think about that fucking sensational kiss that just happened. And mostly to not think about what would happen now.

Clean and in fresh pyjamas Lee stopped for a second holding on to the door, convincing himself he'd walk out and David would be gone. He didn't think he could handle that, maybe it be better to just stay here in Schrödinger's box, wrap himself back round the toilet. But he managed to shove it down, calm his breathing and opened the door.

David wasn't the firs thing he saw, rather a plate of sandwiches and a large glass of water on the table by the sofa. Lee stepped towards it as David came out the kitchen holding two mugs of tea. Lee smiled letting out a breath and David matched it fondly wondering why he looked so relieved.

"Drink the water first. All of it, god knows how you've neglected yourself."

"Yes, mum." Lee smiled as he slipped into their easy routine scolding himself when he realised he had. He didn't deserve this.

As if David could hear his thoughts he sat down next to him. Calm.

"Stop doing that. We're fine. Eat ya damn sandwich, you giant idiot." David added some threat to his voice. "I'm not leaving until satisfied you're not gonna keel over."

Lee turned his smiling into his sandwich hoping David didn't catch what a sap being finding out David still genuinely cared for him. He ate, contemplating while David sipped his tea till there was one bite of sandwich left.

David cocked an eyebrow threateningly. "I'm serious Lee I'm not leaving till I see that plate clear."

Lee pushed the plate further from him to highlight his point. "David?" He scratched the back of his still damp neck obviously uneased. "Did you… I mean it's getting late-If you wanted to…stay."

David tilted his head curiously at the bumbling man. It was late and it had been such an exhaustingly delicate day but he smiled trying to let Lee down gently. "I don't think that's a good idea, Lee." As much as he fucking wanted to Lee was still in a fragile state, if David was to push too hard he could destroy everything.

Lee lost his nerve and stared at the sandwich instead managing to whisper and earnest: "…Please." And how could David possibly say no? He nodded and saw the visible wave of relief wash over Lee.

"Of course Lee, whatever you need." Matching Lee's softness.

Lee let out a sigh of relief and popped the last piece of sandwich in, no longer needing it as barter.

By the time they cleared the stuff away it had gone 12pm, David was still in his suit and was preparing the sofa to get comfy for the night. Lee quickly spoke up.

"There's some pj's in the top draw on the left help yourself." David thought about rejecting the offer but Lee was chewing his lips, eyes guarded, David had a feeling it was an offer but not a choice. So curiously he nodded and closed the bedroom door to get changed.

When he emerged Lee was standing in the middle of the room cheeks flushed and panting slightly. David gave him an odd questioning look before seeing over Lee at a bare metal-framed sofa.

"We were robbed, David!" Lee gave his best exasperated look.

David pressed his lips together, determined not to give Lee a laugh. "Yes, yes evidentially, I can see that."

"Oh, David it was horrible. 20 guys there was!"

"20 guys and they only managed to take four sofa cushions?"

"I fought them all off ya see, it's alright now though nothing to be scared of."

"Oh, my hero."

"You could say that."

"Lee-" Said David softly trying to stop the conversation because he knew where it was headed.

"It's alright David, no need to thank me. I'm knackered though now how about we save all the celebrations till the morning."

Lee walked up to David, he looked David up and down taken him in in his pyjamas and his voice dropped an octave when he spoke. "My pj's my rules." Lee had meant it as a joke but when he caught David shiver Lee cocked a curious eyebrow resulting in David blushing and Lee grin harder.

Lee stepped away into the bedroom giving the other man some space to decide whether to follow. "You can put me in a makeshift straightjacket if ya like." Lee said lightly hoping to get his point across.

"That won't be necessary." 'But I probably need one.' He scolded himself, he wasn't going to push Lee, Lee was vulnerable and needed support he had to stop entertaining these impulses, but Lee was making it so hard.

"Do I need to put you in one?" He nudged David playfully. But then they were standing at the foot of the bed, the magnitude of the choice sobering them.

Lee cleared his throat, trying to find some confidence. "Left or right?"

"Oh, erm left, usually, but it's your be-"

"Perfect I always sleep on the right." He bounced onto the bed and pulled back the covers for David. "Get comfy then, those burglars might be back and I can't leave the nation's favourite entertainer unprotected."

David scoffed but crawled in. The duvet settling over them as they both laid on their backs like soldiers. Lee stared at the ceiling, making out what little he could in the darkness, how had he managed to end up like this was more than he could have hoped for yesterday. But here he was, a friend willing to put his career on the line to make sure he was ok despite everything he had done. He wasn't deserving of this, and nowhere near worthy of David but as long as David stayed he could try and make it right.

"Thank you, David. For everything."

David didn't answer, but underneath the blanket, Lee felt a small finger curl around his pinkie.

The next morning broke through the curtains and Lee woke slowly. He danced in that hall somewhere between consciousness and falling easily back into dreaming. He felt light, as if something had been slowly pushing down on his chest inch by inch for so long he hadn't even noticed the weight he was carrying until it was suddenly gone. He opened his eyes blinking slowly into the new day. His nerves firing as he impulsively tried to stretch but suddenly feeling the comfort and warmth of a second body. He tried to focus his blurred vision at the person in front of him, his heart started pounding of visions of waking after a night with David just to see Tara in his arms. But this morning the mirage didn't falter, it was David. He sucked in a breath feeling childishly, stupidly happy, he was wrapped around David's back. For a second he was sad that this had happened in his sleep, that he had missed this intertwining moment in his unconsciousness but it was soon warmed realising he could enjoy it now, in the quiet morning hours with David still breathing easily asleep. He could enjoy the tickle of soft hair against his face, and David's back pressed in to his chest. The memories of last night visited him and he couldn't help but compare how different his last two mornings had been. How contented he was now compared to yesterday, how he was sure he would never wake up like this, and how he didn't deserve it. The last thought soured his mood. He gently tried to pull away from David, give him the space he needed, Lee knew he wouldn't want to wake up to the man who treated him so awful hanging on to him like a puppy desperate for his attention, should have got the bloody straight jacket.

As he tried to move as carefully as he could, he felt David roused slightly then pull his receding hand back up to his chest. Lee stopped, had David meant to do that, was he still asleep? He felt his arm tug further, David wanted him there and Lee couldn't help smiling. He flushed up against David again, the warmth of his back feeling hotter than ever, burning him as they snuggled up to enjoy this pocket of serenity. Lee sighed contentedly, as they laid there in silence for a while. Lee almost touching David's neck could smell his conditioner and the kiss suddenly hit him. That deep wonderful kiss. A kiss he'd never given nor received before in his life. Is that what kissing is supposed to feel like, or was it just David, is that what every kiss with David would be like?

Shit. He wiggled his lower half back in risk of touching David. He pulled his hand back, firmly, this time, not wanting to part but needing to. David let him go but this time turned his head, eyes still tired and trying to blink open.

With consciousness brings fear. Self-doubt. "Everything ok?" David tried to play it off as casual as he could.

"Huh, yeah." 'Stop lying to him.' "Just mornings you know." 'Idiot.'

David wore that look of confusion for a second before noticing Lee's pink cheeks, David's gaze flicked down Lee's body for a second before wide eyed looking back to Lee now wearing a competing pink in his cheeks. "Oh sorry, yeah I'll just er," David tried rising his waking limbs. "Give you some privacy then."

David had started to lift out of bed and Lee chewed on his lip watching him move away before blurting out. "The kiss." His voice too loud in the quiet morning, he tried to quiet himself. "I was thinking about the kiss, and yeah, didn't want to make you uncomfortable."

David sat back down on the bed looking at Lee. "What kiss?" David looked at him with big innocent eyes.

Lee's face distorted for a second before see David's lips quirk up in a tiny knowing smile. Lee clocked and all the possibilities of how the morning could have turned out melted into one, a good one. "You mean you don't remember the best kiss you've had in your entire life? The one that swept you off your feet right into my bed."

"Nope." David's eyes matching Lee's twinkling with mischief.

"That's a shame. Me either." Lee rolled onto his back.

David huffed amused. "Oh really." David jerked the blanket towards him, the blanket dragged over Lee's erection causing him to suck in a breath at the unexpected sensation.

Lee glared at David who was looking way too smug. "Cause it sounds to me you do. So, maybe you should remind me."

Lee rolled back on his side to face the man. "David fucking Mitchell." Lee snorted amused before hooking his hand round David's neck and pulling him into a slow kiss.

David's eyes closed as he felt Lee sigh into it; it was just as good as yesterday, better even, without the nervous hesitation and duo self-doubting they could move much more freely. Their bodies inched closer as the kiss began to deepen. Hands started gaining confidence, David's releasing Lee's knotted shirt and running over his back. Lee arched into him at the touch and David smiled against his lips. Lee wanted to laugh if David wanted to make this a competition fine by him. Lee grinned as he gently bit down on David's lip while sliding his hand over David's arse hiking his leg over his hip. His victory was met by a quick backfire as he hiked David's leg on to him he inadvertently brushed their groins together.

Harsh gasps filled the room at that brief contact, David was as hard as he was.

"Shit Lee." Getting that flickering burst of contact had David panting, eyes locked on his.

Lee swore at that intense expression. "God David." And pressed hard back into him directing him onto his back but hand keeping David's leg hooked round him. David's eyes closed at the sweet pressure melding into his front as Lee took his time to experimentally rock into him.

David was heady; brain overheating trying to process all the contact and all the explosive pleasure and then when Lee attacks his neck he thought he'd lose it.

But at the most inopportune time, Lee's mind spat images of him tearing into David and he reeled back. Eyebrows knitted together in worry as he gently pulled down David's neckline, exposing purple bruises and discoloured indents, and that nausea hit him again.

He tried to pull back but David held on to him tight. "Don't you dare relapse now you stupid northern idiot." Lee looked at David below him, breathless and eyes hard on him and impossibly dark. Lee gulped away his shame and ducked down again slowing his manoeuvres. He treated each of the harsh bruises on David's neck, licking the sensitive skin with feather-like apologetic kisses, soothing them. Before moving on to the untainted side, where soft kisses became determined but controlled bites.

"Oh fuck." David bucked into him. "Harder." David breathed into Lee's ear and Lee bit and suckled at the delicate tendon. David's hips were moving without instruction, just subject to reactions of Lee's ministrations. Lee moaned at the contact and began grinding back into him while dragging his teeth over David's collar bone.

David was meeting every downward thrust with an upwards drag trying to prolong that contact. But even separated by two layers of material neither men had been this sensitive and they weren't gonna last long. David had one hand locked in Lee's hair, the other running his fingernails up and down Lee's arm supportably. Lee's hand was still holding his thigh in place, palming up and down the sensitive skin, up from the thigh over the crest of his arse and supporting him with a strong hand at the small of his back before running back down enjoying the shivers he could feel he was creating.

David let out a shaky breath. "Lee…Fuck Lee I-" Lee could feel David tense underneath him, he was so close. Lee's mouth moved up from David's neck a final deep kiss before Lee pulled away resting their foreheads together. David opened his eyes, Lee's stare boring into him making him feel as naked as they should be. Lee kept his forehead there, not letting David move and David realised what it meant, Lee wanted to watch.

With that realisation David vibrated up into him with a huge intake of breath. Lee's grip tightened on David's thigh and he could feel David's vice grip on his forearm and tugging at his hair as they rode out their spasms. David's face opened when he came, soothed of all lines, whereas Lee's closed, shut features screwing together.

Their muscles slumped, and David was vaguely aware Lee had released his leg and was sliding his hand up to his hip. Lee moved to his side, pressing kisses down his face before sinking into the gap next to him. They lied there nestled into each other, breathing shakily trying to get back to normal but not really wanting to, desperate to hold on that rush of complete satisfaction still vibrating in their toes.

They smiled stupidly at each other.

"Well, the show is going to be a hell of a lot harder now."

Notes: Hey guys thanks for reading I'd love to know what you think. Becuase this ended up a lot softer than I thought it would I have been working on a smut fest which should be up soon so stick around! Thanks again!


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